Year in the life of Dez...day 39

Lessons I have learned from Montana...

Distance is no longer an issue for me. I know back home folks think it's crazy to drive 2 hours to visit...or shop...or anything for that matter. We spend so much time in our little area of the world and forget that there is a BIG, Huge world out there to explore. We don't take the time to visit with our friends and family who live 3 hours away because it would take too much time out of our busy day or weekend. Heck, most people don't even visit the people they love who live across town.

Well, I was one of those people. I could travel an hour to go shopping but I couldn't take 10 minutes to drive across town to visit. I wouldn't take the day to drive up to Nashville and spend time with my Mom. It was just too far. She has miss out on my kids lives due to my stubbornness. I just couldn't slow down...or I slowed down too much and got lazy.

When we moved to Montana I had to come to terms with the fact that civilization was an hour in any direction. If I needed the concrete I had to drive to find it. If I wanted a mall or a familiar place to eat...2.5 - 3 hours to a "Big" city. After living here for 15 months I appreciate distance much more. I think about all I missed out on seeing back home.

I wanted to take my kids to see Fall Creek Falls... It was only around 5 hours away...but wow, that was hard. So many things I saw as a kid that I wanted my kids to see... they didn't get to.

Now that we live here, my kids have seen the "world". Places I never thought I would see in my lifetime too. We have driven across the United States twice now. My family is "international travelers" because we went to Canada :0)

What I am saying today is TAKE time out of your busy lives and see something besides the stuff you see every day. Sometimes it makes you appreciate what you have even more. See those family members you haven't seen in a long time. MAKE TIME to see something you have never seen before.

Year in the life of Dez... Day 38

Lessons I have learned from Montana...

I was thinking the other night about how all of us have changed since we moved up to Montana. Jason has become more patient and understanding, he has truly found himself and is such a wonderful man. Jakub has learned to come out of his shell some, he makes friends easier. Jack has learned about life and has now spent more of his life (that he is aware of) here than "back home". Me, well I have learned many things from this beautiful, strange and free land. I decided I am going to take a few days to talk about the things I have learned and love.

Today I want to talk about freedom. Up here in the mountains people are so free to live how they really want to. They don't really worry much about the outside influences of political correctness, trends and keeping up with the Jones'. It is really like stepping into a different world. At first, being an outsider that was taught that everything must be neat and tidy, prim and proper and perfect in every way...I was judgmental. I looked at the "Po-dunk" towns here and snarled my nose. Seriously... was I supposed to live here. Yep, I was the outside snob... and those that know me...really, really know me...know I am not ANY kind of snob. I was one of the outsiders that PNW folks love to hate (Welcome to Montana... Now go home).

I was supposed to live in a 900 Sqft cabin in the middle of nowhere and be happy about it. The year before I snarled my nose up at a beautiful 1300 sqft house when we were house hunting in Corinth (it just wasn't big enough).

These folks DIDN'T hate us though. They accepted us with open arms.

So, what am I really rambling about here? I am saying that the people and the place have given me the freedom to not worry about what others think. SO WHAT if I don't have a big grand house. So WHAT if I buy clothes at Wal-mart. So What if I didn't iron my clothes before leaving the house, or I threw my hair up in a clip and didn't wear make-up. The people here still accepted me, nothing happened...I didn't melt...no one laughed or pointed fingers. I didn't shrivel up and die. I learned that all I really need is the people that love me, food on the table and a roof over my head.

Can you say you have that freedom? If not then evaluate WHY you don't and fix it. I am a ton happier today because I don't center my world around ME anymore. I am NOT what the world is all about... the people I love and care about are who I desire to make happy. The other person is myself. I have a LONG way to go before I really think I will be happy with me. I have a ton of wounds that still are not healed, no matter how much I say they are. These are wounds I have to work on and settle within myself. I AM trying.

Year in the life of Dez....day 37

More holiday traditions...

Yesterday I shared Jack's favorite tradition as being candy canes during Christmas. So this morning I interview Jakub. He initially said Sledding, but in Montana you can sled just about any time. I asked him to share his favorite thing that we have done at Christmas. He finally answered making gingerbread cookie and drinking hot cocoa.

We have just started making gingerbread men this year. Not me...Nanny has been baking them and I have been helping decorate them. Jakub really gets into dressing them with the icing and making them buttons with chocolate chips. He really, really love EATING them!

So, where did Mr. Ginger Bread come from?

(found on the website "The straight Dope"... http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1912/whats-the-origin-of-the-gingerbread-man)


The earliest form of gingerbread was not a cake, but a solid block of honey baked with flour, ginger, breadcrumbs and spices. They were extravagantly and elaborately decorated in medieval England and were a popular present, the way that a box of chocolates is today. The decoration could include being colored with saffron or cinnamon, or having designs impressed on the gingerbread by large wooden molds--including the shape of men or pigs. The fleur de lis was a popular shape, as was a heart (to ward off evil), a stag (for virility) or a rabbit (for, ah, fertility.)
n the late 16th century, at the court of Queen Elizabeth I, honoured guests at court were sometimes presented with their portrait in gingerbread.

Around the same time, molasses from the New World replaced treacle in many recipes. Specialty gingerbreads were made in towns such as Ashbourne with its white gingerbread, or Ormskirk with dark; and Grasmere gingerbread from the Lake District has a shortbread texture (as do some Scottish gingerbreads.)

These little cookies that have our imagination running these days have a long history. My favorite gingerbread man is Gingy from Shrek because he is a smart butt...kinda like me. I do not really like the taste of gingerbread men. I can't call it my favorite cookie...in fact I don't get much more than a bite in my mouth before my stomach starts turning. They do smell good when you bake them and they are something fun to do. I suggest trying it as a tradition to everyone. The kids will love it.

Year in the life of Dez...day 36

Traditions at Christmas...

I asked Jack today what his favorite part of Christmas has been so far. His initial answer was a shrug with a hummed "I don't know". Now how many of you just hummed that to yourself?

So I started naming some of our traditions off to him and he really perked up when I said candy canes. He ate almost every one off our tree.

Now if you look at candy canes these days there are so many different kind. I picked up the "Sweet Tart" ones to mix it up a bit. They were these fun bright colors with bright colored stripes. They tasted like sweet tarts and were surprisingly good. Jack really thought so.

Some people don't know the story behind candy canes. So I thought I'd research it a tiny bit so I could get the story right.

(story according to: http://www.kidtokid.org/candycanestory.html)

A candy maker in Indiana wanted to make a candy that would remind people of the true meaning of Christmas; so he made the candy cane to incorporate several symbols for the birth, ministry, and death of Jesus Christ. He began with a stick of pure white, hard candy. White to symbolize the Virgin Birth and the sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock, the foundation of the Church, and the firmness of the promises of God.

The candy maker then shaped his cane into the form of a "J" to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to the earth as Savior. It could also represent the staff of the "Good Shepherd" with which He reaches down to to reclaim the fallen lambs who, like sheep, have gone astray.

Thinking that the candy was somewhat plain, the candy maker stained it with red stripes. He used three small stripes to show the stripes of the scourging Jesus received. The large red stripe was for the blood shed by Christ on the cross so that we could have the promise of eternal life.

So... now you know the story I have always heard about them. Now, that isn't to say that the first candy canes were made by this Indiana candy maker. Candy canes date back pretty far...the thing the Indiana guy did was make them based on biblical principals. The way they described candy canes being back "back in the day" seemed like hard tedious work...I can only imagine that they had to be incredibly appreciated and expensive. Not like the candy canes of today.

So, where my "sweet Tart" candy canes may not have the biblical reference behind them, they are good and very much enjoyed in my house. I will eat these bright colored, sweet tasting bits of happiness and think about the sacrifice that the Lord gave for me. God, is good...just like sweet tart candy canes.

Year in the life of Dez...day 35

No more babes?


Three years ago (almost) as I was on the table having my section with Jack the Doctor asked, "are you sure, no more babies?". In fact he asked me twice. Both times I hesitated but had made up my mind six months before that I was though with having children. So, I said, "Yes, I'm sure...no more".

Today, I regret that decision. Part of me knows I will never hold another baby in my arms that I gave birth to. It's almost a feeling of being lost as a woman. Part of me really wishes I could have another child. It keeps us young, it keeps us mothers longer. It makes me feel like I have a purpose in my life.

The name Mom, Mother, Mommy, Momma... That is a strong name that I never considered as a young adult. My mom always thought I was horrible with kids. She never thought I would have any. In fact I NEVER held a baby till I held Jakub. Yet, once they handed me that itty bitty bundle I knew exactly what to do and I wasn't scared in the least. All of the pain I had been through was 100% worth it. A mother's love, that shared existence is just something that mothers cannot explain.

So I suppose what my message is today... it would be to think things through before you do them. Especially when it is something LIFE ALTERING like deciding not to have anymore children. It will be something that will effect you in a way I can't explain. So think about it.

Year in the life of Dez...day 34

Winter has arrived...

Technically, by the calendar, it is still "fall". Yet, most of the nation, including us, have snow on the ground. In fact there are some places out there that don't usually get snow and are being blessed with the white stuff.

We have all kinds of snowy fun. Jakub has found a great love for the stuff. He would wallow around in it if I would let him. Now Jack...Jack not so much. He was so cute last year when he would step in 3 inches of snow. He would scream "I's Stuck, I's Stuck". A Memory I will always savor.

I haven't been skiing...I am afraid I will break my neck as clumsy as I am. We haven't had the delight of a snow-mobile ride yet either. Our winter sport is SLEDDING! We love it! Jakub and Jay went for a little bit yesterday before we had to run to Sandpoint. I think that it was more Jay pulling Jake around the woods though because we didn't have a whole ton of time.

I can say that I enjoy winter more this year. I am not scared of the roads like I was last year. I don't white knuckle drive anymore. I have learned the what to's and what not to's of snowy roads. I think maybe sometimes I am just a little too cocky though.

As my friend Susan says, our yard looks like something out of Narnia. The trees are weighted down with newly fallen snow. It's another fun thing we like to do when all cozied up. It doesn't take much to get the snow to fall out of the tree...just a little bump and the snow all falls down with enough force to sweep your hair for a few seconds. It's really fun to get someone that isn't suspecting anything... just a little knock and they are in snow covered fun.

As I was walking through the woods yesterday to take pictures the trees were having a snowy domino effect on one another. One would shed which would cause the next and so on and so forth. It was pretty... and COLD to experience.

Year in the life of Dez...day 33

How it came to be...

I am asked on many occasions how we found ourselves in Montana. My Friend Lauri Howard suggested I do a blog about it. So here goes...

While I was pregnant with Jack we put our house up for sale in Mississippi. It was no "new" news to anyone how much I didn't like living there. Mississippi never felt like home to me and it took me nearly 10 years to convince my husband that his life-long home was not mine. Sure, I endured it because I love Jason.

It took me at least 5 years to really get settled in and to make friends. Now part of that was due to my personality. If you know me well you know that I have a Brain to mouth filter that sometimes goes on the blink. Not so much now as I used to. But, I had a tendency to offend people very easily. On top of it...you can't make friends when you never leave the house except to work. I just never felt like I was accepted, and then when I was I really knew how to choose them... AHH (I had some real nightmare friendships).

When we put our house on the market it wasn't to move away from Corinth, but more to move away from the area we lived in. I suppose I thought if we could get out from under the noses of my husbands entire family that I could start making a life for us. Never before, till I moved to Mississippi did I see entire families living in the same neighborhood. Me, lacking in the family department, didn't appreciate the over communion.

Well, the house didn't sell so we decided to fix it up. We remodeled the entire house, gutted the kitchen, gutted the bathrooms...it was really pretty when we got finished. It was during this time...which all of this took about a year... that Jason agreed to move. So we started praying about where God wanted us. So one day, after about a month of looking Jason suggested I center my search on Montana.

After about 6 months of applying to jobs...interviewing and getting back answers of NO... did someone seriously give us a bite. We flew into Spokane (SPOH- CAN, for you southerners to learn to pronounce correctly) and had our interview with Monarch School the next day. It was in July of 2008 and for us it was the trip of a lifetime. NEVER, in 1 MILLION years, did I think I'd get to see this part of the country. We fell in love immediately with the mountains and the lake. It had to be the most beautiful place either of us had ever seen.

We flew back home and began packing in anticipation of hopefully moving to the wilderness. We put our house back on the market and began tons of faith filled prayer.

1 Month Seems like an eternity when waiting on news that will change your whole families life. We eventually got the call though and they wanted Jason to start in October. By this time it was close to the end of August. We worried a little about the move, how we were going to afford it and would Jason need to go before us to find a place while we sold the house and I still worked... But ever complex puzzle piece fit together like it was magic.

We said goodbye to all of our friends and love ones and began our trek across the states the week before Jason had to start work. We drove through states we had never been through and saw sights we thought we would never see... Rushmore, the Badlands...
When we arrived in Keystone, SD we received a call from our realtor saying we sold the house.

We have had a whole TON of "firsts" since we have been here. The beauty of Montana and the seasons here have provided the greatest adventure of our lives. This last winter we saw between 10-20 feet of snow. We have gone mountain climbing, quading, swam in the most clear blue-green waters, seen Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks, seen animals we never thought we would see... it has really been the most amazing year ever. Jakub, Jack and I flew back home this summer... it was their first plane ride. We drove back across the states and saw even more than we had the first time....making sure we went a different route so the kids could say they have seen and visited new places. On top of it we have created lifelong bonds here that can never be replaced or forgotten. People here are so very accepting and genuine.

Nothing can replace our amazing year here... Now we look ahead to the future and wonder what God has in store for us. Right now we are looking forward to Christmas and hopefully some more snow. We have only had 6 inches or so this year...I am waiting to see some white stuff and hopefully have our SECOND white Christmas.

Year in the life of Dez...day 32

Stuck, in more ways than one.

So sometimes my "creative genius" flies out the window. I get on a roll when I start out and then BAH...slam...wall.

I am really not any sort of creative genius. I write about what is real to me. Right now I am not able to write about what is really on my mind. It's not anything bad, just something I cannot really talk about at the moment. So when you have something that takes up most of your thought process it is really hard to find the fun, quirky and inspirational things that you are supposed to be writing about.

So I am asking you, as my reader to give me some fun ideas to write about. Something that you would like to see from my point of view... maybe something you are struggling with or something just plain ole' fun.

I don't want to stall out here, but sometimes even writers need a good swift kick in the bootay.

Year in the life of Dez...day 31

The weather outside is FRIGHTFUL

We decided to find snow today. To do that, if it isn't on the ground at home, you must take to the mountains. We waited pretty late in the day to venture out...so the sun had gone down for the most part. It was 7 degrees outside and the wind was blowing which made it negative something. Now add to that going up in elevation and that makes it in the negative teens. On our way in I saw one of the most beautiful Moose I have ever seen. She was dark Chocolate brown. I still get excited over seeing them.

We got in about 12 miles and found a nice hill to sled on. I was planning on taking a family picture while up there. So while I was setting up the camera Jason and Jake went to the sledding hill and to investigate some tracks on the hill. Through my gloves I wasn't getting the camera set up right so I had to get the gloves off. After about 2 minutes of that I felt my fingers turning to ROCK and decided it was time to GO. Yeah, ouch. Jay and Jake didn't put up much of a fight about it, they got 2 really fast runs in and were pretty much right along with my sentiments.

I can see now how people get in trouble up in the mountains during winter time. They underestimate the temps, or the amount of stuff they have on...maybe don't pack blankets and shovels in the vehicle... go somewhere they shouldn't without the right amount of Gas. Maybe they are sightseeing and find themselves off the road in a place that isn't so well traveled. Folks, especially those wet behind the winter ears as we are MUST be careful and plan.

So, enjoy this winter...just be careful at it.

Year in the life of Dez...day 30

Unsure...

A couple of day ago a thought passed through my mind. I was thinking back almost 3 years ago to when my youngest child, Jack, was born...or about to be. I can remember how totally unsure I was about having a second child. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to love it as much as I did Jake. I was scared that Jakub would hate me forever for having a baby. I can remember many times going into the shower and just crying over the uncertainty of all of it.

A few nights before Jack was born I can remember singing our bedtime song to Jakub, playing with his little locks of hair and holding back the tears because I thought after I had a baby that Jake would be too big for singing and petting. I held his tiny little hand in mine as he went to sleep knowing that things were about to change and I didn't know if it was going to be for the better or worse.

The day before I became scheduled for a c-section was when we found out that the little girl we were planning on having was gonna be our little Jack man. "Ah, look at the testicles" is how my doctor broke it to me. We had planned for a little girl for 6 months. It was such a slap in the face. I think Jason and I were both totally stunned. We panicked and Jason was sent on a mission to buy little boy clothes.

I drove to the hospital next morning... I needed to. I was stressed and I do better when I am in "total" control. As soon as we pulled into the hospital parking lot I threw my door open and barfed. Yep, that was the best way I can put it. In fact, I was so nervous I barfed the rest of the morning and begged for something for my nerves. I am sure I wasn't a plesant person to be around.

That being said... and know that I did suffer from light post-pardum depression. It took me a few weeks to get into the swing of things and to accept my life as a mother of 2. Jack has always been loved, even more now that ever. He is an AMAZING kid that I wouldn't change for anything in the world... ANYWAY.

When I got Jack home I can remember holding him and pitting his little hand in mine. Jakub came to check things out and I put his hand in my vacant one. It hit me then that Jake wasn't the itty bitty baby that I thought he was. His hand in mine looked different now. It wasn't as tiny as it had been the few days before. He seemed like such a big boy now.

So with all of that said...our struggles in life are in the eye of the beholder. We can make them as big or as small as we want to. No matter what they are just the same as they were yesterday and they may or may not be the same tomorrow. Take one day at a time, things that seem HUGE usually in hindsight are very small... or vise-vera.

Take every day as it comes... we are only promised what we have in the moment so make the moment the best you can.