Year in the life of Dez...day 25

Bad decisions?


I haven't written in SEVERAL days. My husband has been on vacation and I have been trying to spend tons of time with him. I have had a fabulous day up until tonight. I was frustrated with some things that have happened over the last few weeks and I was venting to my MIL. Apparently my MIL has had some pent up anger for some time that she let over-flow and spill out tonight. What are her complaints may you ask? Well just about everything Jason and I have done in the last year.

Complaint 1- We sold our house and it just shows how ungrateful we were because she gave it to Jason.

I will address that one with...I HATED THAT HOUSE! It wasn't our house it was her house that she built with her ex-husband. I am grateful we had it for the 10 years that we did, but I never felt that it was "our" house.

Complaint 2- We have no money. If she had known we were going to be in the shape we are currently in she would have never moved up here and she would have saved her money that she used to move up here for us to have now.

Yeah, we aren't rich, WHO IS these days?

Complaint 3- Our children do not have the security of a "Home".

I explained to her that a HOUSE does NOT make a home, that the love we share as a family is what makes a home. My children are happy and content. We will "buy" a house one day, when we are ready to.

Complain 4- Still on the security issue... That I have never known what poverty feels like.

This is where she is totally wrong. I remember living in my Dad's truck for weeks, not having Christmas under the tree...NOT HAVING FOOD for that matter... but I have never known what povery feels like. I explained that to her.

I made sure to let her know how I felt too... that I didn't appreciate that she didn't support how we did things, that we were living our lives how we want to and that as a family we are stronger than ever.

So now, I sit totally ticked off, steaming inside and this is what I do... I air it out to the whole world.

I PRAY my kids never know the life that my husband or I either had to go through as children. I pray that the economy gets better. I pray that all of our hopes and dreams as a family come true. Right now... I feel like we are kinda puttering out, but does that make my faith waiver? NO!!! I feel slightly homesick, I feel like I wish there were jobs here Montana that I could go to work for to help contribute to our financial success. Does anyone know what the future holds? Absolutely not. All we can do it sit back, relax and live day by day. That's all we a guaranteed anyway. I wanna scream...I wanna scream, I wanna scream...Maybe a good cry would help.