Communication is key...
I am not saying that my husband and I never argue or have the "perfect" marriage but we try really hard and love each other very much. One big thing in our relationship is the ability to communicate with one another. Sure, sometimes I don't like hearing what he has to say, but eventually it sinks in.
So many times, all too often, marriages end. People state one reason or another for it... sometimes I can understand the reasoning behind it...other times I cannot. Marriage, these days and in my opinion, is too easily dissolved. Folks quit trying WAY too easily.
One of the main reason couples quit trying is because of lack of communication. You may hear a woman complaining about something her husband does or does not do. When asked if she has discussed it with him the answer is usually no. Why, in a relationship that is totally supposed to be based on trust and communication, is there no trust and communication? Sometimes I think if we were not afraid to open our mouths things would be so much better. This goes for ANY type of relationship, marriages, friendships...parents, kids. Why are we so afraid to state how we "feel"?
So maybe, take a moment and think about some of those relationships out there and how you can make them better.
Own up to your faults too though...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Year in the life of Dez...day 20
Don't, Don't, Don't beat your kids...
Yeah, I am singing that to the tune of Yo-Gabba-Gabba's Don't bite your friends. Today, I want to pull my hair out. Most of the time I have the best, most darling kids on the face of the EARTH. They are usually polite, calm, and typical boys. Today... both of them melted down at the same time. Jake is mad at me for not trading out his treasure toy. Jack.. I'm not exactly sure why he is totally ticked at me.
The thing I am proud of Jakub about is, today, for the first time, he talked to our friend Tom about why he was angry with him. He had a "grown up" conversation about how he was feeling and why he reacted the way he did.
It is important for our children to understand why we react the way we do, but it is also important for them to tell us why they are upset. Our kids need to know that they can communicate with us for whatever reason they need to. Our kids feelings are important and should NOT be suppressed. I know my "raising" taught me not to talk about ANYTHING. I was taught to shut up...to not ask questions and never ever talk back. So what does that teach us to do. That teaches us NOT to speak up for ourselves and that our feelings don't matter.
I want my children to always be able to talk to us about how they feel. How will I be able to fix things if I only know one side of things? Sure, I know why I am upset, but I won't be able to fix the problem if I don't know what caused it in the first place. A Lot of the time the way Jakub reacts to something is solely caused by something I have done...or haven't done. All I know is he is acting out and I am upset with him because of it.
Think about this... what if your child is acting out because that is the only way they can get attention from you. What if your child is acting out because they know that's the quickest way to get a response from you. What if you child is acting out because they don't like what YOU are doing? Yes, Parents, we can screw up sometimes too!
So when you are reprimanding your child next time, stop... take a deep breath, and sit down and TALK to your child. Hear them and then let them hear you... communication is a WONDERFUL thing. Not just with your kids but with the adults in your life too.
Yeah, I am singing that to the tune of Yo-Gabba-Gabba's Don't bite your friends. Today, I want to pull my hair out. Most of the time I have the best, most darling kids on the face of the EARTH. They are usually polite, calm, and typical boys. Today... both of them melted down at the same time. Jake is mad at me for not trading out his treasure toy. Jack.. I'm not exactly sure why he is totally ticked at me.
The thing I am proud of Jakub about is, today, for the first time, he talked to our friend Tom about why he was angry with him. He had a "grown up" conversation about how he was feeling and why he reacted the way he did.
It is important for our children to understand why we react the way we do, but it is also important for them to tell us why they are upset. Our kids need to know that they can communicate with us for whatever reason they need to. Our kids feelings are important and should NOT be suppressed. I know my "raising" taught me not to talk about ANYTHING. I was taught to shut up...to not ask questions and never ever talk back. So what does that teach us to do. That teaches us NOT to speak up for ourselves and that our feelings don't matter.
I want my children to always be able to talk to us about how they feel. How will I be able to fix things if I only know one side of things? Sure, I know why I am upset, but I won't be able to fix the problem if I don't know what caused it in the first place. A Lot of the time the way Jakub reacts to something is solely caused by something I have done...or haven't done. All I know is he is acting out and I am upset with him because of it.
Think about this... what if your child is acting out because that is the only way they can get attention from you. What if your child is acting out because they know that's the quickest way to get a response from you. What if you child is acting out because they don't like what YOU are doing? Yes, Parents, we can screw up sometimes too!
So when you are reprimanding your child next time, stop... take a deep breath, and sit down and TALK to your child. Hear them and then let them hear you... communication is a WONDERFUL thing. Not just with your kids but with the adults in your life too.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Year in the life of Dez...day 19
Attitude...
All I really have to say today is if you have a nasty attitude about something you are only making it worse for yourself. If you hate your job, your situation, your surroundings, your...whatever then you are the ONLY one who can change it. Until it changes you are the only one who can change how you feel about it. If you hate where you work and you just know you are gonna have a crappy day today then guess what....you are gonna have a crappy day today. If you decide that you hate work, but you are gonna make the best of it...then you will more than likely have a little bit better time...when you let yourself.
In the meantime...search for something better, pray the circumstances change or bear down and go about it. Otherwise you are going to spend a great deal of time being miserable. Rome didn't change in a day and sometimes we are supposed to be patient because there is something we are supposed to learn from our situation. Look at poor old Job!
So, if you need help with that today... read the book of job over the next few days, weeks...or however long it takes you. I promise, it will make your issues seem so much smaller.
All I really have to say today is if you have a nasty attitude about something you are only making it worse for yourself. If you hate your job, your situation, your surroundings, your...whatever then you are the ONLY one who can change it. Until it changes you are the only one who can change how you feel about it. If you hate where you work and you just know you are gonna have a crappy day today then guess what....you are gonna have a crappy day today. If you decide that you hate work, but you are gonna make the best of it...then you will more than likely have a little bit better time...when you let yourself.
In the meantime...search for something better, pray the circumstances change or bear down and go about it. Otherwise you are going to spend a great deal of time being miserable. Rome didn't change in a day and sometimes we are supposed to be patient because there is something we are supposed to learn from our situation. Look at poor old Job!
So, if you need help with that today... read the book of job over the next few days, weeks...or however long it takes you. I promise, it will make your issues seem so much smaller.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Year in the life of Dez...day 18
The Best is not always THE BEST...
I went to Jakub's parent teacher conference today. Most everything he is doing is right on task... he is behind in a few areas, but it's stuff we can work on easily.
I think once I left I started thinking about some things. I suppose I started beating myself up for Jake NOT knowing how to count to 100 yet. I remember when I was in Kindergarten a million years ago that I had to know my 1's, 5's and 10's before we graduated to the first grade. I always knew that I would have REALLY bright kids that would pick up on everything easily. You know what... I STOPPED beating myself and got over it!
No, my child couldn't read when he was 2, he didn't know all 50 states at 1.5 and cannot recite all of the presidents and what state they are from. He doesn't play an instrument by ear, he is not a savant of any kind. Jakub is Jakub and I am 100% okay with that. To me it is far more important for him to have a childhood than for me to beat education into his head. I am NOT saying that education isn't important. It is VERY important and I want Jake to do well in school. I am just not the kind of parent that makes my kid learn how to read while I am still pregnant with them (I am sure that's what is next).
I want Jakub to dream and to succeed. I think it is far too often that parents put these ridiculous expectations on their kids. It's like they are trying to live through them. If they didn't do it right the first time then by George their kids are going to learn from the ways that THEY messed up in life.
Sure, if that's how it worked...but guess what...it doesn't and you are raising RESENTFUL children that will probably dislike you VERY much one day.
Let your children learn, be supportive... but don't be too hard on them. I promise, they will get it one day.
Proverbs 13:10- By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well advised it is wisdom.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Year in the life of Dez...day 17
Patience is a virtue...right?
I have spoken before about losing my childhood and innocence early. I was telling Jason's Mom just the other day that when I was 5 I was already staying by myself. I look at my babies and imagine letting Jakub (who is six) be alone at home. There is NO WAY on Earth I would let that little fellow stay all alone. I wonder sometimes how I survived...then I think back and don't remember anything bad happening... pfft. My neighbor and I set the woods on fire... But who hasn't done that as a kid? The first time I got pulled over was when I was 9 years old...and I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to be on the road with my motorbike ("sure officer, I'll show you where I live so you can talk to my Daddy").
My father was patient, he really had no choice but to be patient with me. I was hard headed and quite a loner before I even hit the second grade.I can remember getting spankings from him every once in a while... but not very often. He was mostly absent, absent asleep or trying to find a job to support us.
Sometimes I catch myself being really hard on my kids. I think sometimes I recognize that hard headedness in them that developed quickly in me. I don't want them to be like me...though, would that be a really bad thing??? I am a pretty good gal, right? The thing is... I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. Sometimes I think I expect them to be "grown"...to be more independent...to make the right decisions. THEY ARE BABIES!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with me?? I preach and preach about keeping kids innocent, yet there are times I lose complete patience with them.
So, I suppose my whole point today is kids are gonna be kids...let them. If they spill milk (like Jake did last night) just relax and get them to help you clean it up. There is NOTHING in this world that is more important than the flesh and blood that we a raising. So if your child gets sand in the house, or spills their milk on the computer... if they are bickering like cats and dogs... don't over-react...just remember that they are kids, they have to learn through trial and error. If they ruin something...it's just a THING. Our children are way more important than anything we could possess and they need to know that. So next time you are starting to lose patience, put yourself in their shoes for a second. Think about how you were just about to react and think about how a 6 year old would react to your explosion. Be loving and react in love instead of anger. Be the person that you want them to grow up to be.
James 1:3-5 - knowing that all of the testing of your faith produces patience. But let the patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask it from God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
I have spoken before about losing my childhood and innocence early. I was telling Jason's Mom just the other day that when I was 5 I was already staying by myself. I look at my babies and imagine letting Jakub (who is six) be alone at home. There is NO WAY on Earth I would let that little fellow stay all alone. I wonder sometimes how I survived...then I think back and don't remember anything bad happening... pfft. My neighbor and I set the woods on fire... But who hasn't done that as a kid? The first time I got pulled over was when I was 9 years old...and I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to be on the road with my motorbike ("sure officer, I'll show you where I live so you can talk to my Daddy").
My father was patient, he really had no choice but to be patient with me. I was hard headed and quite a loner before I even hit the second grade.I can remember getting spankings from him every once in a while... but not very often. He was mostly absent, absent asleep or trying to find a job to support us.
Sometimes I catch myself being really hard on my kids. I think sometimes I recognize that hard headedness in them that developed quickly in me. I don't want them to be like me...though, would that be a really bad thing??? I am a pretty good gal, right? The thing is... I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. Sometimes I think I expect them to be "grown"...to be more independent...to make the right decisions. THEY ARE BABIES!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with me?? I preach and preach about keeping kids innocent, yet there are times I lose complete patience with them.
So, I suppose my whole point today is kids are gonna be kids...let them. If they spill milk (like Jake did last night) just relax and get them to help you clean it up. There is NOTHING in this world that is more important than the flesh and blood that we a raising. So if your child gets sand in the house, or spills their milk on the computer... if they are bickering like cats and dogs... don't over-react...just remember that they are kids, they have to learn through trial and error. If they ruin something...it's just a THING. Our children are way more important than anything we could possess and they need to know that. So next time you are starting to lose patience, put yourself in their shoes for a second. Think about how you were just about to react and think about how a 6 year old would react to your explosion. Be loving and react in love instead of anger. Be the person that you want them to grow up to be.
James 1:3-5 - knowing that all of the testing of your faith produces patience. But let the patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask it from God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
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