Year in the life of Dez....day 6

I was reading Jakub a book last night and part of it reminded me of something from his "baby-hood". So I promptly stopped the book and told Jake a little story about him and the wind.

When Jake was a baby...and even now... he has always disliked going to sleep. Nap time has always been a nightmare with him and he is just now getting to the point that it isn't a struggle to get him to go to bed at night. He has always wanted the security of someone laying with him till he fell asleep.

One afternoon while I was trying to get him down I heard the wind whipping around the house making that creepy howling sound that you associate with winter...or haunted houses. Jake was probably 2 or 3 years old. He promptly sat up and whispered, "Mommy, what was that". I explained to him that it was just the wind and he should lay back down. Yet every time it howled his eyes would get big again and he would ask again.

So me in my infinite wisdom decided that the wind was talking to Jake. So the next time it whistled around the house and Jake popped up I just consoled him, hugged him up and told him a story. "Jake, the wind is talking to you, just listen".

"What is it saying Mommy", asked Jake.

"It's saying, Gooooooo toooooo slllleeeeeeppp". I said trying not to laugh.

"What else is it saying Mommy?"

"It's telling you that if you go to sleep, by the time you wake up it will have brought Daddy home to you...but it isn't going to go look for Daddy till you Gooooooo tooooooooo sssllllllllllleeeeeeppppp." I said.

Amazingly, Jakub would snuggle up close to me and do exactly what the wind told him to do. So in the future I always hoped the wind would be whipping around the house at nap time.

In telling this cute story I do have a point. During our prayers...even if we take the time to pray...most of us rush through them. We state what we want, need and sometimes we thank God for the things we have. Do you ever take the time to listen? No, God doesn't speak to you out loud... at least he hasn't to me. Usually he speaks to my heart... maybe I will feel at peace about something or I wake up in the morning (or fall asleep at night) thinking about what I need to write about the next day. God, like the wind, has a still small voice that most of us never stop and listen to. At times, even like the wind, his voice can be strong and howling...we just choose not to hear it. Maybe we should stop talking so much and start listening a little... you will never get answers till you do. :0)

John 3:8- "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from or where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the spirit."

Year in the life of Dez... Day 5

Patterns...

I lay awake for a little while last night in between getting toe jabs from my youngest child and sleep. I wondered what I felt led about to write on this morning. It has kinda been on my mind for several days and so I think that is sign enough, right?

Before we moved last year I received the blessing of working in Mental Health for a year and a half. By far, this has been my absolute favorite job ever. I worked with the greatest team of people whom I wish I could have just uprooted and brought with me. The other part of it was I was truly helping people. It also helped me to realize that there were much larger problems out there than the ones I was going through.

We saw an array of issues: drug addiction, phobias and fears, violence and some were even psychotic. The theme we supported there was the people we worked with were honestly at the end of their line. We were their last resort before they were committed or someone else committed them. Most of the time when they met me they were tearful and hyperventilating.

We would get them through the 30-60 day program and see improvement. We would discuss their problems in a group setting so everyone could weigh in on the issues at hand. These folks would either get something from the program and have a life changing experience or we would see them again in the same situation a few months down the line.

The ones we would see again and again and again were those that had created a pattern for their lives. No matter how many times you encouraged them to change the people they surrounded themselves with, or change their lifestyles they would usually be right back. Sometimes it was very discouraging, but after a while I had to realize that they were making the decision to live the life that they were living.

One of the main things we taught was "patterns". People that were having suicidal issues... guess what, most of the time their parents committed suicide. People that were having problems with violence or domestic abuse...their parents abused them. People that had problems with drug abuse grew up with drug abusing parents. A lot of the time these folks wanted to blame their problems on genetics. Sure, you know what, that might be a fraction of the issue but it was their decision to go down that road.

So what am I trying to say this morning? If you had problems growing up... maybe Dad was a alcoholic and beat you during his rages... YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC and BEAT YOUR KIDS. You chose to continue the cycle.

It doesn't even have to be something that drastic. If Mom and Dad didn't show you affection, they weren't the touchy-feely kind... they didn't say I love you enough... they weren't there for you when you needed them... DOES NOT mean you have to be that way with your child. Look at your childhood and figure out what you were missing... look at how you treat and react and show love to your babies today. Are you continuing the cycle?

Well today, guess what...it's okay to break it.

Romans 8:18- For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Year in the life of Dez...day four

"You hate me"

There is nothing more heart wrenching than when your child says, "You hate me" or "I hate you". It's almost like they know those two phrases are going to be the fatal blow. The most incredible part of the whole thing most of the time is "where did they get the word Hate and how did they learn how to wield it".

I understand the word hate, and as a child once can fully understand the emotion behind the words. A child usually resorts to those words when they are feel the most frustrated...the most "unheard" or the most humiliated. That word is their cuss word.

So last night my child told me I hated him. He has told me that before. It is his last and final weapon for manipulation. All of it stemmed from the fact that I wouldn't give him peanut butter right before bed. A brief struggle ensued and 15 minutes before bedtime turned into an hour after. His weapon of mass destruction didn't work on me this time though. In fact, he had it turned right around on him.

A lesson most people should understand and should teach their children is that people who love each other do not hit or tear each other down. People that love one another look for the best in each other. They are not out to make the other feel guilty for emotions that they themselves are suffering through. Jakub has to learn, just like everyone else in the world, what "true love" is.

Jesus... God...the holy Spirit, teaches us in the Bible of UNCONDITIONAL love. There are so many different ways we see it all throughout it's passages. I think that the love for your child, and I can only speak from a mother's point of view, is that of UNCONDITIONAL love. Meaning, that no matter what your child does, you will love them. That is how God loves us...because we are his Children. He even loves us when we get mad at him and turn our backs. He loves us when we "hate" him or doubt him. No matter what, God loves us unconditionally.

Am I mad a Jakub? No, not really. I am hurt by his choice of words and the way he acted. I am certain he is probably angry with me for not giving him peanut butter...and putting him to bed early...and refusing to talk to him till he calmed down. Does Jake still love me...I have no doubt.

Can you remember times you have been terribly angry with your parents? What about God?

I Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek it's own, it is not provoked and seeks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Year in the life of Dez...day 3

Say 3- Innocence

I felt like I needed to spend some more time on childhood. Today I feel in my heart that I should talk about children and their innocence.

Too many times do I see kids subjected to the craziness of this life. I am totally guilty of it. Especially when it comes to watching what I say or monitoring what they see on television. Our children have this beautiful built in thing called innocence. Why are most of us so quick to break that beauty in them.

I said in my post yesterday that we should answer our children's questions when they ask them. I also said that it should be age appropriate. A 6 year old does not need to know the ins and outs of a sexual relationship when asked where babies come from.

Something I feel I lost incredibly early was innocence. I think I grew up way too fast under circumstances that were not in my hands. I believe when you hear an adult complain about not having a childhood I really believe innocence has tons to do with that.

Children are children for such a very short time. We sometimes put way too much responsibility on them. I'm not saying that they don't need to mind or have chores... I am just saying that we expect them to know too much sometimes. Really think about this before you scold your child for being immature next time. Think twice before telling them to "grow up". Our children, our babies have ALL their lives to be grown up and responsible...they have but a blink of an eye to be carefree and childlike.

Can you remember ways your parents forced you to grow up too early? Talk about when you believed childhood was over for you.

Galatians 5:22-23- But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Year in the life of Dez...Day 2

I wondered last night if I would really be able to fill up an entire year like this. Then I started thinking about all the things I can really teach. Could my life pain actually be a blessing in disguise? I really think it is. There are so many things I could teach parents, survivors and Christians out there.

So today I am going to start with something I had to erase at the end of my message yesterday. It has to deal with our children and the proper way to help with their grief.

So many times, as parents, we have a difficult time helping our children when they are emotional. Why is that?
I really think that for most of us it is a comfort thing. I know as a child I was taught to stuff my feelings down. I wasn't allowed to grieve, be angry, or to address my feelings whatsoever.

How do you feel when your child is hurt, or crying? Do you try and "shush" it away. When they ask questions that are far more advanced than their age do you shut it down quickly. If you do...think about WHY you do it? It is because it makes you uncomfortable.

This is the worst thing that people can teach their children! Stuffing emotion or questions make a child a) an emotion stuffer in grown up life (which will help lead them to a life of searching for why they are so depressed or repressed and B) teaches them not to express themselves, to be timid and helps make them think that their thoughts are not important.

I am a PRIME example of an emotion and thought stuffer!!! In the great words of Jack Nicholson, "Don't you be like me". Don't teach your children to be like me...or yourself for that matter!

What I am saying is when you child is hurting, talk to them about it. Hold them, console them and let them know that they can always talk to you about anything. Sure, some of their questions...like "where do babies come from" at 4 and 5 years old are hard to address. Just make it an age appropriate answer for the time. Don't tell them that it is something you can't talk about. By the things we do, the ways we react and the way we treat emotion and curiosity in our homes will have a lasting effect on how your child looks at the world around them.

So I ask you today, what ways do you feel you were repressed as a child and do you see yourself doing it to your kids today?

Psalms 127:3- Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Matthew 19:14- But Jesus said. "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them: for such is the kingdom of heaven.